re-storied

to restore
is to be re-storied
to take a story being told
our story being lived
and to write a new chapter

to restore
is to be re-storied
to take the story we tell ourselves
about us
about God
and to re-frame it
to hear the story God is telling us

to restore
is to be re-storied
to take something old and unused
or lacking in some way
and to transform it
to give it new life

to restore is to heal
to restore is to bring back into alignment
the body and soul
to take that which is broken
and to make it whole again
to restore is to do more than make better
deeper than physical healing
to be restored is to look into the eyes of Jesus and feel no shame
to look into the eyes of Jesus and to feel whole
even when living through pain
to be restored is to take that which was – or felt – less than,
and to fill it to overflowing with a new story of life

you can be restored in your deepest parts
in the midst of pain and sorrow
to be restored is not to be pain-free or to be healed
though it may include that

you can be restored without being healed
and healed without being restored

to be restored is to be Matthew the tax collector
given a new community of friends who no longer hated him
it is to be Mary Magdalene, shunned or avoided
and then dramatically
included
to be restored is to be the woman who was bleeding for 12 years
suddenly no longer a pariah
to be restored is to be healed of paralysis and of sin
and to not quite know how how they relate
to be restored is on God’s terms, not ours
because it is god’s story he is telling and we are part of

god’s story is that he restores us fully
wholly
so that we are holy
our scars and frailties part of our beauty
our pain part of our life
but our wrongs washed away
a clean heart and a new spirit created in us

to be restored
is to be re-storied
and the story does not always go how we want it to
when it comes to what we call healing
maybe that’s because our understanding of healing
needs to be re-storied too.

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This was part of our Lent evening service reflection on the characteristics of Jesus we would like to align ourselves with, in this case ‘Jesus who restores’. Why does that mean, how does it relate to healing, wholeness and redemption.

the awe in the ordinary

Where were you when the angels came
They said
’the angels’ sounds so ordinary now
‘the angels’ like it was an amazon delivery
Not a battalion of battle-hardened spiritual beings
In luminescent livery

Where were you when the angels came?
It wasn’t so ordinary then
For us working men
With our feet on the ground
Then our hearts in our mouth
We’re the ordinary you see
Just us and our sheep
And our goats
And our socks
Until suddenly
BAM
The strangers
The dangerous
The extra in the ordinary
So ‘angels’ you say
It was terrifying that day
To see the awe among the ordinary of us

What did you do when the angels came?
‘Don’t be afraid’ was their patter
It’s a bit late for that
With our hearts in our mouths
And our sheep all around
We’re just the ordinary you see
Just us and our sheep
So we stood and we stared
At the brightness in the air
These strangers
The dangerous
Coming our way
It was terrifying that day
To see the awe among the ordinary of us

We’re used to danger and the harshness of life
We terrify strangers in the blink of an eye
We fight off the thieves and the wolves in the night
We can name every landmark and describe every light

But this?

We argued and fought and then we agreed
That we’d take them on trust so we went down to see
Though we fight off the thieves and the wolves in the night
At the sight of this baby… we just melted like ice

Us grizzly, smelly and sleep-deprived men
We were strangers
We were dangerous
Coming their way
But the peace in that room
As he lay in the hay
Not silent
But no violence
in the coming of this king
The awe within the ordinary of him

As a shepherd I’ve told it many times
This story
That we’re the ordinary
And we don’t mind the scary
We don’t believe in fairies
But angels are different
Angels are armies
And armies aren’t harmless
Or charmers
They don’t appear to farmers
In their shepherd pyjamas
Expect they did, here
So this is a story about fear
And not fear
Of surprises and bright lights
And journey’s to the stable
But it doesn’t stop there
A fable about shepherds
And the faraway kings
A cradle with hay
And angels on wings

It doesn’t stop there
Don’t let that become
Ordinary
It is not
ordinary
It is extra ordinary
But it happens slap bang in the
Ordinary
The awe in the ordinary of me and you.

So here’s what I want you to do
God helping you:
Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering.
More than the kings
With their gifts and their bling
But your everything

What do we do when the angels have gone?
And we land back in the land we’ve been disturbed from?
Is it all just the same or
Has everything changed
Is it stranger?
Is it dangerous?
Or is the ordinary changeless
Yet changed regardless
Like a sprinkle of angel-dust
That just must
Make us trust
That things will never be the same again

The awe in the ordinary lives of you and me
At school, at work, on the bus or the tube
The awe in the ordinary lives of family
And friendships and in the kindness of you
To strangers
To the dangerous
The extra in the ordinary
Because the Spirit of Jesus lives in you
Or can
If you invite him
So come, come and see and find out more
Don’t be a stranger to our welcoming door
Come and see what it is to be a follower of Christ
To live and to breathe in the power of the light

So where do we leave this?
Do we celebrate the ordinary, and that’s the end?
No, in this awe-filled awesome starlit night
We invite the bright light of Christ
To fill every crack and crevice of our lives
To illuminate the shadows of our souls
With hope
The inextinguishable fire of hope
That transforms the ordinary you and me
Into something extra ordinary
That echoes through eternity

Through the power of Christ we trust
That he brings the awe into the ordinary of us.
On this most holy night.

©️ Kevin Lewis 2023

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This was my spoken word for our Carols by Candlelight 2023, focusing on the role of the shepherds and the awe in the ordinary. You can watch the service here: https://youtube.com/live/CfTVwowf7OM?feature=share, this is read at 38 minutes.

how to train a cat

How do you speak about the unpredictable Spirit, when the Spirit is by nature unpredictable? It’s the difference between the Spirit and magic. With magic, if you say the right words or do the right things, something will happen. In films anyway. I can make an aunt inflate with a wand, or stones hover with the force. Cause and effect. Predictable.

Whereas I wish I could tell you that if we stood in the right room at the right time and did the right things, the Spirit would come in power. Or do I wish that? Because that would give me – and us – way too much power. Surely we know too much about what power does to humans to wish that power on anyone. So, thankfully, and also annoyingly, we can ask the Holy Spirit to do things, we can of course create the right environment for us to be aware of the Spirit and all that, but we cannot guarantee the Spirit will do what we want. If anyone tells you otherwise, beware. There be dragons.

Sometimes the Spirit feels likes a spaniel, all excitable. Sometimes like a border collie, neat and organised. Sometimes like an elephant, huge and patient and wise. Sometimes, if we are honest, like trying to train a cat. Say what you like but she ain’t moving.

What the Spirit does is show us that our faith experience doesn’t end with a full-stop. More of a comma, or semi-colon; or the trinity of dots that make an ellipsis… not a hard ending. The events in the room at Pentecost show that. None of them created or expected the Spirit to do what the Spirit did. None of them saw it coming and didn’t pretend to. But they were alive and ready to surf the wave, to see the nudge, to go out of the door…

Many of the ways the Spirit works are totally down to our context. In ours, nudges from the Spirit have led to Parish Nursing, new jobs or roles, bereavement support, text messages, being a change-agent at work. It’s not big and dramatic, but it’s the stuff of life and faith and the Spirit with her new beginnings and ellipses… I can’t tell you how she will work in your life. That takes the power away from me, and you, and gives it to God.

This reminds us that our faith is not a dead and dry religion, neither is it a form of magic we can coerce and control, or the preserve of a priestly caste of power-brokers. Our faith is a relationship with the living god, who is gloriously unpredictable, who is not safe, but is made of love. Are we open to the new, the fresh, the creative, the unpredictable and surprising…? Maybe the cat is training us…

Illuminate the Shadows Part 4: The Illuminator

Illuminate the shadows
Let the light of Christ shine into every
Crack and crevice of our hearts

What does this all mean for us
This familiar story of the birth of Jesus?
More than myth or fable
A beautiful tableau or a morality tale
This is the bringing together of two cosmic realms
The place where God dwells
And everywhere else
We call them heaven and earth
And the place of his birth was with us
Because he is for us
He is for us
In the darkness and cracks of our lives
He is for us
In the tiredness and anxiety
He is for us, with us
In the hope of the spoken love
Of joy
The pain of the broken dove
Of peace
He lives in us because he is God and he came here to dwell
That is why he is called Emmanuel

This Jesus carried God-ness into that delicate cradle
Where the awestruck Mary and Joseph held table
With shepherds and magi
And maybe just maybe
Saw a glimpse or a flicker
Of what would in the future appear
To be the image of the invisible god
Right here
The first-born over all creation
Who is before all things
Right here
The Word became flesh and set up camp among them
Right here in the backstreets of Bethlehem

This Jesus, who did not consider equality with God
Something to be held
like a child clutches toys
But instead was compelled
To give himself up in a
Radical choice
Of love
Knowing that though he came to his own
His own would not receive him still

This Jesus, who came into the darkness
Of all that entangles us
Is the living hope of all that will save us
If we can see the truth that he who became us
Does not blame us for the shadows
That at times overwhelm us
But says come, and gather,
I have come, I am here
In the immortal words of Gabriel:
God is coming. Do not fear.

This is our Jesus and this is our story
This is the hope and his is the glory
Jesus is radical and vulnerable and incredible
Our story is living and Jesus writes with indelible ink
On our hearts
I love you

So come, all you faithful
You fearful, you hopeful
Sing choirs of angels
Or let us sing for you

The holy overshadowing
Illuminates the shadow in
The cracks where the light gets in

May you be filled with that light.

Illuminate the Shadows Part 3: The Watchers

Illuminate the shadows
Let the light of Christ shine into every
Crack and crevice of our hearts

We talk of illuminating the shadows
But what about illuminating the meadows
Where the shepherds watched their flocks
On the hills around Bethlehem
For as soon as the baby was born
The angels were back in force, en mass
To announce to the world that god was back!
But although the world did hunger and thirst
For good news
It was to the shepherds that the angels came first
The outsiders,
Outliers
So yes – though usually brave
These men were afraid
And not afraid to say so
Because the angels made quite a stir
Singing loudly about peace on earth
Telling them a king was born
and that they would find him in a manger
Not a throne
And spend precious time alone
A new king, with old shepherds?
Well, who would have known

Illuminate the shadows
Let the light of Christ shine into every
Crack and crevice of our hearts

We talk of illuminating the meadows
But what about the the skies above
Where pinpricks of light tell stories of love
And some magi travelling from foreign lands
Want to see exactly where this star will land
That they’ve followed for months across hills ands plains
These men from a foreign nation
A different religion
Finding themselves in an awkward position
They believe it will lead them to a new king
So they go
To a palace with a Herod
And a kingly throne
But they were looking in the wrong direction
For the spark to light this insurrection
Would not be found in the seat of royalty
But down the road
In the normal, born in humility
So they went to see him with their gifts
Of gold, incense and myrrh
Which with the old prophets did concur
As they did foretell
That this was a king, god with us, Immanuel
So they bowed on their knees and with faces glad
Said this is our God, and offered what they had

Illuminate the Shadows Part 2: the Extra and the Ordinary

Illuminate the shadows
Let the light of Christ shine into every
Crack and crevice of our hearts

God with us, Immanuel
Is all very well
but you’ve got to start somewhere
Enter the angel Gabriel
He was sent with a message to an ordinary girl
You’re gonna have a baby who will change the world
She’s like really?
I mean, what?
And I don’t think so
And, how
And Gabriel smiles and reassures
and sticks around
Long enough for Mary to grasp what he was meaning

So she went and spoke to Joseph who said he’d been dreaming
About angels saying do not be afraid
Which made them laugh
So together they prayed
And as she conceived
Mary believed
This baby would be special
Not as in clever or beautiful
But mighty and powerful
Scattering the proud and bringing down kings
Lifting the lowly, filling the hungry with good things
And Joseph would show he’s not a bit-part actor
Adoption is written deep into God’s loving character

It starts with the extraordinary appearance of angels
Celestial beings on ordinary ground
And then there, in a humble home, with family around
That is where the beginning of a Messiah was found
And so their hearts were warmed at the birth of this boy
And so was the beginning of God’s story of great joy

Illuminate the Shadows Part 1: The Least

(this is the spoken word from our outdoor Carols by Starlight, posted in the 4 parts that formed the readings)

Illuminate the shadows
Let the light of Christ shine into every
Crack and crevice of our hearts

Welcome to our Carols by Starlight
Where together in the darkness of night
We meet to sing the story of Jesus who
Transformed the darkness into the brightest light

This may be a story with a familiar groove
This maybe the story you believe is the truth
Or it maybe a mystery you don’t understand
Maybe being here is quite unplanned
Whatever your reason you’re welcome to hear
The story of hope in a world full of fear

It begins long ago
I’m talking centuries, not years
When there were prophets who believed the
Hope and fears of a nation
Would be gathered up in a particular person
People like Isaiah
Who spoke of a hope in a coming Messiah
A wonderful counsellor
A prince of peace
And how would they tell
It is God with us, Immanuel?

A child would be born – they later deduced –
But the way that it happened left them quite confused
Because it wasn’t a birth on a privileged throne
But an ordinary child in an ordinary home
So nobody noticed
Not at first, at least
That the first-born of God
born among the least
Would say the least would be first
And the first would be least
And the least of the towns
Where this would first happen
To the most ordinary lady
And gentleman
Was the humble little town
of Bethlehem.

Re-thinking Mary – A Guest Post by Lizzie Glover

What if she wasn’t just mild? What if she wasn’t just gentle and calm? What if she was strong? Courageous and brave. Like a warrior marching into battle, like a knight preparing for war. What if she was determined , focused and alert, with the strength of mind to pursue this mighty mission she had been given.

What if she was fit? Healthy and committed – walking in her pregnant state to a place she didn’t know, to settle in a home that she didn’t yet own- to give birth alone – away from her family and friends. With a husband she didn’t yet know.

What if she was decisive? A mother able to move when her child came under threat. Ready to act when God spoke to her husband. Decisive and trusting in her Father’s care. What if she was unshakable? Unflappable! Fearless! Bold! Steady like a ship in a raging storm. Pushing forwards looking up at the Father – following his lead.

What if she could be described as all these things and more? A young woman who pushed the boundaries because God asked her to. Who said yes when culture dictated no. Who pursued what others only dreamed of. Who believed beyond doubt in her Heavenly Father.

Would she laugh now? Hearing herself described as gentle Mary, meek and mild! Words that perhaps place her back into that feminine realm. More accessible? Easier to comprehend, less of a challenge….

More of a woman?

A woman who took the sword when it was handed to her and instead of laying it down in humble surprise, lifted it high and ran forward- leading the way for all mankind – yes and womankind too. So what if we learn from this person of strength? Of character and perseverance. Of anointing and power.

What if WE said yes and followed God’s call with passion and intent? What if we – man, woman, child- believed that we too are called to make a difference? To stride into battle with our eyes on our Father – in trust and obedience- what then? What now?

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Lizzie Glover is the children’s pastor at Cirencester Baptist Church, and a passionate and courageous woman.

we the people are tired

Comfort, comfort my people, says the Lord…
You don’t say that unless somewhere there is trauma
somewhere the need for comfort
somewhere that speaking tenderly is needed
for hearts are bruised and we the people are tired 

When the shadow of covid looms over us
like the brooding darkness of king Herod
Which like a dementor has stolen the joy
We are meant to know 
In the birth of this baby boy
our hearts are bruised and we the people are tired

The angels weren’t bending their songs to earth
Because we were all fine
Its the people walking in darkness who have seen a great light
The voice calls in the wilderness, in the loneliness
Prepare the way for the lord
For our hearts are bruised and we the people are tired 

And in this finally, maybe, we begin to see how
We are invited into the story
A story in which 2 pregnant women plot the overthrow of an empire
A story in which the unexpected happens
The weak are raised up and the strong pulled down
The hungry are fed and the full go empty
The person of God dwells among us 
This is a story for us because
our hearts are bruised and we the people are tired 

It is into this that the voice of hope speaks tenderly 
of comfort and joy
It is into this world of uncertainty that the voice of hope 
Speaks of peace, deep inner peace 
Because even now there is a place for joy, 
the deep joy that comes from knowing
The creator of the world is here..
the Holy Spirit, the very presence of God, is here
Our hearts are bruised and we the people are tired

Into the darkness,
the laughter of a baby,
the babbling talk of new parents,
and the silliness of the faces we pull at babies… 

That, like a candle lit in a dark room, changes everything. 

It is into the silliness and the seriousness 
that God in the form of Jesus arrives
Because as a wise person once said,
Jesus isn’t part of the Christmas story; 
Christmas is part of the Jesus story. 

Don’t let the wonder and joy of Jesus stop at Christmas 
Don’t see the trailer and think you’ve seen the whole film
Don’t stop with a single candle 
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn
Our hearts are bruised and we the people who are tired 

May you know that thrill of hope
The inner strength of comfort
And the deep depths of joy
For though our hearts are bruised and we the people are tired
His heart is for you, for us, and we his people are loved.  

This was my address at our Carols By Streetlight 2021, moved outside at short notice due to Covid-19 concerns.

• 

the terrible and wonderful reasons why I lead

A few years ago I was given a brilliant book about running, except it wasn’t really about running, it was about cupcakes and suffering. It’s a comic, its very funny and surprisingly deep, and its called “The terrible and wonderful reasons why I run long distances.”

If you hate running stick with me. The basic premise is that whilst runners often talk about hitting ‘the wall’ when running, ‘the wall’ being an obstacle you power through when you feel defeated, the author says he does not believe in the wall. He believes in ‘The Blerch’, which he describes as ‘a fat little cherub who follows me when I run. He is a wretched, lazy beast… he tells me to slow down, to walk, to quit.”

The Blerch represents all forms of gluttony, apathy and indifference that plague my life.

The terrible and wonderful reasons why i run long distances

The Blerch is ever-present, and whilst the wall cannot be silenced or outrun, you can silence The Blerch. And you silence it by running. More. I often joke that I run so I can eat cake, and this is his point. These are the terrible reasons why we run long distances. We run to eat. To shortcut to endorphins. To look good. To achieve mental clarity through pain. Because we want to stand still. And eat.

Last week as I was planning how to lead our group of local church leaders in our monthly breakfast together, this jumped into my mind. What are the terrible and wonderful reasons why we lead churches. For like all people we church leaders are randomly assorted bunch of odd-bods, right? Of course there are good and holy reasons why we do what we do. But what if we pressed into the terrible reasons.

Like, what if am only a church leader because I am a narcissist? A control freak? What if it’s because I am incapable of getting any other kind of job? What if its because I truly believe every other church is badly run. Because its a crazily risky idea and it was 8am on a Friday morning just before Christmas, I threw it out there to the group. And to my relief they went with me.

• 

Why did we do this? Because there is truth in our shadow sides, and I think it is good to be honest about them. God uses us through who we are, not some idealised version, no matter what we try to show people. If we are a bit of a control freak, admit it. If we are deeply critical of other leaders, admit it. If we like power, or find it impossible to follow, admit it. God can change us, use us, and transform us.

It is also good to remember the wonderful reasons too. What was interesting was that the ‘terrible reasons’ were quite honest and practical – the ‘wonderful reasons’ because very ‘spiritual’. Because in a way they have to be – you shouldn’t just be a church leader because you can, you do have to have a calling – and yet, it is because of what we can do, or are learning to do, that we are called.

We ended by singing the song “Living Hope”, largely due to the line that I think gets to the heart of our vanities and insecurities and failings as leaders humans:

Through the darkness your loving-kindness

tore through the shadows of my soul

Living Hope, by Phil wickham

Be honest, be hopeful, be real. Admit to The Blerch, confess our gluttony, apathy and indifference, and lead bravely, courageously and vulnerably.