jesus quotes MC hammer shock

24 08 2010

It is reported that rebellious rabbi Jesus Davidson, not content with his alleged messiah complex, has taken to quoting 90’s baggy-trousered pin-up rapper MC Hammer. Davidson, 32, quoted Hammer’s hit Have You Seen Her during a tense encounter at the filming of Come Dine With Me at Pharisaical sloane ranger Simon Pieman’s house. Fond of quoting more old-skool musicians like Eye-Sire and DJ ‘Dayvid’ King, does this mark a change of tactic for the silver-tongued soothsayer from Nazareth? Apparently not – Jesus himself claims he was quoting the original from 1960’s soul-funk groovers The Chi-Lites. Well he would.


mc hammer

Reported first in best-seller biography Luke 7.36-50, Jesus was in the middle of the meal when the Pharisee’s house was crashed by a woman better known as a serial celebrity late-night love-in than rabbi-rouser. Dramatically, rather than wooing him the woman wept at his feet – his feet! – and wiped them with her hair. Shocked, Simon waited for the J-man to flip; then for him to notice; then wondered how Jesus did not know who she was. Wondered in his own head – and Jesus knew! Exorcist, lyricist – and mind reader it appears.

With Simon about to throw her out, Jesus dramatically turned the tables on him. He drew on the riches of years of poetic and cultural history and slam-dunked Simon with rapper Hammers immortal line: Have You Seen Her? Come Dine With Me became Come Hide With Me as Jesus shamed Simon. This woman, Jesus said,

who you usually would not see. She is peripheral to you. You wouldn’t normally see her at all.  I came to your house. You did not give me water for my feet; she has wept my feet with her tears and dried them with her hair. You did not greet me on the face with a kiss; she has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put fragrant oil on my head; she has poured perfume on my feet. She has shown me great love. She has shown me hospitality that you have not – in your own house. You invited me. She has humbled herself; you have raised yourself up. She is invisible to you, but I have seen her and now you have seen her and she has shamed you.

Have you seen her? Jesus saw her, he welcomed her. He said that she has shown so much love, and Simon had not. That was an even greater shock than quoting MC Hammer. Or the Chi-Lites. Come Dine With Me has never ended so badly. Simon left, embarrassed and humiliated by his pride. The woman left, forgiven, renewed and peaceful.

Jesus left, saying something about being the Chi-Lite of the world…

To be fair, he never said, if I had a hammer…


upping the ampy

20 08 2010

This post is about Mary. And it is a bit different. You hear it, rather than read it. Some of you may like that. Some of you may not. It’s just an experiment really. It was written for the congregation at our church, but if you find it useful too, more’s the better! Think of it as like a takeaway leaflet – it could be junk mail, but then again it may actually be useful…

It’s on You Tube because I can’t upload audio to the blog.Yet…!

So, plug your speakers in, get a cup of tea and enjoy.

Meanwhile, if you don’t want to listen to 13 minutes of Kevin, hows about 4 minutes of the Mumford & Sons instead. Similar message, really, just with more banjo. Or it’s tenuous, but an excuse to listen to them.

But I will hold on hope
And I won’t let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I’ll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I’ll know my name as it’s called again

‘Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it’s meant to be…


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