the terrible and wonderful reasons why I lead

14 12 2021

A few years ago I was given a brilliant book about running, except it wasn’t really about running, it was about cupcakes and suffering. It’s a comic, its very funny and surprisingly deep, and its called “The terrible and wonderful reasons why I run long distances.”

If you hate running stick with me. The basic premise is that whilst runners often talk about hitting ‘the wall’ when running, ‘the wall’ being an obstacle you power through when you feel defeated, the author says he does not believe in the wall. He believes in ‘The Blerch’, which he describes as ‘a fat little cherub who follows me when I run. He is a wretched, lazy beast… he tells me to slow down, to walk, to quit.”

The Blerch represents all forms of gluttony, apathy and indifference that plague my life.

The terrible and wonderful reasons why i run long distances

The Blerch is ever-present, and whilst the wall cannot be silenced or outrun, you can silence The Blerch. And you silence it by running. More. I often joke that I run so I can eat cake, and this is his point. These are the terrible reasons why we run long distances. We run to eat. To shortcut to endorphins. To look good. To achieve mental clarity through pain. Because we want to stand still. And eat.

Last week as I was planning how to lead our group of local church leaders in our monthly breakfast together, this jumped into my mind. What are the terrible and wonderful reasons why we lead churches. For like all people we church leaders are randomly assorted bunch of odd-bods, right? Of course there are good and holy reasons why we do what we do. But what if we pressed into the terrible reasons.

Like, what if am only a church leader because I am a narcissist? A control freak? What if it’s because I am incapable of getting any other kind of job? What if its because I truly believe every other church is badly run. Because its a crazily risky idea and it was 8am on a Friday morning just before Christmas, I threw it out there to the group. And to my relief they went with me.

Why did we do this? Because there is truth in our shadow sides, and I think it is good to be honest about them. God uses us through who we are, not some idealised version, no matter what we try to show people. If we are a bit of a control freak, admit it. If we are deeply critical of other leaders, admit it. If we like power, or find it impossible to follow, admit it. God can change us, use us, and transform us.

It is also good to remember the wonderful reasons too. What was interesting was that the ‘terrible reasons’ were quite honest and practical – the ‘wonderful reasons’ because very ‘spiritual’. Because in a way they have to be – you shouldn’t just be a church leader because you can, you do have to have a calling – and yet, it is because of what we can do, or are learning to do, that we are called.

We ended by singing the song “Living Hope”, largely due to the line that I think gets to the heart of our vanities and insecurities and failings as leaders humans:

Through the darkness your loving-kindness

tore through the shadows of my soul

Living Hope, by Phil wickham

Be honest, be hopeful, be real. Admit to The Blerch, confess our gluttony, apathy and indifference, and lead bravely, courageously and vulnerably.


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5 responses

14 12 2021
fireflyby

I love this. Very interesting sounding book too… I can certainly identify…

15 12 2021
Ana Achucarro

Thank you for posting this passage . We often imagine we are disqualified by our weaknesses and faults . However when others admit to struggles
, it makes me realise that , like me , they are of great use to God . Thank you
for your openness and honesty .

15 12 2021
Andrew

Kevin,
I came across your blog on a search.

I really like what you say on the Blerch, so good to read a brave and honest approach. As a past church leader of experience myself, I have spent many hours reflecting on my theology, human and religious rationale and the pain of church ministry. Whilst I hope the same has never been true for you, I came to realise that the cost of church leadership is Inordinately high, partly because we have to deal with our own demons (Blerches) but also because I sadly discovered that Christian communities to whom we minister (who speak of Grace like it is going out of fashion), are sometimes, in my assessment of the truth, the most ungracious, especially in the their relation to the ministers and their families. In such contexts, I found that a minister has the option of fight or flight, further leading to the issues you mentioned. As the song goes, there is ‘no church in the wild’. I believe that ministers and their congregations both need to stop and assess theology, rationale and the cost of Ministry. I also think we need to realistically deconstruct the notion of calling, but I’ll leave that there.
Thanks again for an interesting and honest article, I’ll watch out for more.
Cheers.

15 12 2021
Kevin

Thanks Andrew… I also have a post called ‘no church in the wild’, inspired by that song (that maybe why you referenced it?)

15 12 2021
Andrew

No Kevin, I know the song and it’s meaning well, this here is your first blog I have read, I will see if I can locate your other piece. Cheers

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