sparring partner

21 04 2016

you are my rock
my fortress, we sing
my sparring partner more like
the opposing team defender
I tussle with
and wrestle to the ground
when the ref isn’t looking

89282752_huth2_epa

you are my invisible friend
the madness in my otherwise sane world
you are not my all
not always
but you are in all I  do
interfering
stirring up
bringing the fairy at the bottom of the garden
into my otherwise rational world

I do not love you as I know love to be
Yet I know you
I endure you
I revere you
I resist you
I rest in you
I serve you
I fight against you
sometimes I even trust you
sometimes I suppose I even love you

but I am tired
tired of defending you
when you don’t defend yourself
tired of hoping for the storm to still
yet finding you asleep
so be my rock if you will
be my fortress if you can
until then we will spar and tussle
and wrestle
and hope

© 2016 Kevin Lewis


Poetry can go to places normal prose simply cannot. Or does not. This poem is how I feel sometimes. Not all the time. But sometimes. The metaphors in our songs tend to be unfalteringly positive, robust, sometimes almost sycophantic. The Psalms can be much more earthy. I like earthy. There is a strength in not being strong, a faith in challenging faith, an honesty in being honest. You’re right, it’s not comfortable.  

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5 responses

21 04 2016
webstercamino

It is interesting, and vaguely unsettling, how your writing so often seems to reach down into inarticulated brain drawers and put it into words. Thank you again.

21 04 2016
Kevin

Thanks – I love the phrase “inarticulated brain drawers”!

22 04 2016
Dorothy

real, honest. true. ~So often we sing “you are my all” when the gritty truth is “in this moment of heightened music-fuelled emotion it feels as if you are my all, but I probably won’t live that truth through most of the rest of the day. Lord, hold on to me when I lose my grip. Every time. Which will probably be lots of times every day. Thank you.”

22 04 2016
Fireflyby

This is very beautiful and very real.
Very much admiring the carefulness of your words.

I too find it a bit unsettling because I recognise my own ambivalence… some tepidity (is that a word?) when there should be passion.

… I think I need to think about this a bit. Really wrestling with a sort of previously unknown sense of nihilism atm…

ff x

22 04 2016
Kevin

Ambivalent, tepid and nihilistic – an interesting combination!

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