my god remains silent

18 07 2012

into the agony of silence
i pour my prayers
hurling them deep and far into the
absent mind of a
numb god

the words tumble into the
blackness of nothing
falling unheard
unheeded
the reply unstoppable in its
emptinesss

still i will pray
though the darkness swallows my words
and mocks the depths of the agonies
or the nothingness

still i will pray
though the platitudes of faith
and the cliches of scripture
tear at the very fabric of who i am

into the agony of silence
i pour my prayers
hurling them deep and far
as my mind becomes absent
my faith, numb
and my god remains silent.

© Kevin Lewis 2012

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18 responses

18 07 2012
Rebecca Cooke

I will try writing here instead as wasn’t working on fb-talking about Saint John of the Cross and his experience of a Dark night of the Soul where important to keep praying. Also saying psalm 87 or maybe 88 depending o your Bible-good one

18 07 2012
neil stewart

found that a bit wordy and not very helpful wich is not normal for your blog

18 07 2012
Kevin

sorry about that mr neil. I shall though receive the compliment that usually you find it brief and helpful.

18 07 2012
neil stewart

hope i have not offended you just not my thing but others seem to like it

18 07 2012
Kevin

no offence taken 🙂

18 07 2012
neil stewart

darn will try harder to offend in future lol

18 07 2012
@drgeorgemorley

Amen. Why is God’s silence such a taboo when it is such a common experience?????!

18 07 2012
Kevin

Amen again, and so often papered over with cliches which may or may not be true but don’t change the fact.

18 07 2012
Irene.

I agree….why do we find it so hard to include lament in our worship and our faith journey. It is all part of the mystery and the wonder of life.

18 07 2012
bob

As you’d expect this resonates with me – just that you’ve got more faith!!

18 07 2012
carol

God makes me angry at times too!

18 07 2012
Cress

you alright Kev?

18 07 2012
Kevin

Thanks Cress, yes just having moan. Lots of friends need answer to prayer. Thankfully god has thick skin.

18 07 2012
Tina

Just wanted to say thank you – you’re putting into words exactly how I’m feeling at the moment and it’s nice to be reminded I’m not alone.

18 07 2012
ruth

Yes thank you! I found this extremely helpful.

19 07 2012
c2drl

I wonder whether one of the post modern thoughts is that God answers prayers, I dont hear it quite like that in the Bible, and perhaps that is the wrong perspective. It sounds to me like I tell God what needs doing and he sometimes deigns to answer and sometimes not. Doesn’t that make man a bit more important than he is? I think prayer is much more spiritual than me trying to move an unwilling God.

Yes when I pray I tell God about my concerns and ask him to work, by the power of His Spirit in some situations. Sometimes I am praying because God has prompted me so to do. (I don’t think he prompts me to persuade him to do something he doesn’t want to!) I think prayer is more about joining with God, sharing together our love for the person or situation and through that comes a release of spiritual power.God somehow uses me and my concerns spiritually to achieve his purposes.

Maybe the prayers don’t actually affect God, although he is involved in it. Maybe when I pray for you the prayer releases spiritual energy for you. But what you do with that is up to you and God won’t force you.

So what about when the prayers appear to bounce off the ceiling, if indeed they get that high? I struggle with that too, but I don’t think prayer is ever wasted, nor that if you get more people to pray it will be better, although sharing the burden with others certainly helps. I think prayer is just one of those incredible, beautiful, uplifting and rewarding exercises that we are nowhere near understanding and that our post enlightenment rational approach actually obscures the real wonder of it.

I can’t explain and define prayer and I can’t force it to ‘work’. Isn’t that because it is God’s and I can’t understand or define God either. So I carry on praying and I keep trying to know God and his will better and sometimes he really blesses me and the people I pray for as a result, and sometimes not. I think thats cool and i’m rather glad he’s god and not me.

20 07 2012
Irene.

love the last paragraph. thank you.

20 07 2012
edge

I walked past a poster fairly regularly a few months back which said: “Fight the Nothingness”. It provoked two reactions in me.
My first response was that’s a good title for a song. And I tried to write that song, but it didn’t really work.
It took me a while to find the other reaction, which was why? Why fight the nothingness? Maybe the nothingness is okay. Maybe it is okay to be where the action isn’t.
And just to be…
Still.
I like your poem. It resonates with me. I see the truth and honesty in it. Keep mangling those rhyming schemes!
Fighting seems to be one of those things we do as a default response and I wonder if that’s always helpful. We fight our cancers. We wrestle with our faith. We struggle with our prayers…
But why do we do that? What if it is just wearing us out?
I don’t think all those who lose out to their cancers are inferior fighters. Or implied failures. Sometimes the cancer just wins. It’s a killer, after all.
And those who wrestle with faith and struggle with prayer are quite possibly engaged in some Godly and spiritual building exercises. But perhaps sometimes they are just banging their head against a wall and it will only give them a headache.
Maybe there are better ways to approach God? Like leaving God room to think about whether it’s his turn to move next?
Who knows. Does praying make sense? Does prayer work? Some days I’m more confident than others. But mostly, I’m just tired.
You can pray for me if you want…

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